Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Feel So Cheap

I have this friend that is a total mooch. She always wants me to just give her everything. Food, money, love. You know that kinda stuff. And now she is going to be staying with me for a month. I see bankruptcy in my near future. At 18. Pretty pathetic. And she thinks I don't mind because she thinks I love her. I allow her to think this because I am a humanitarian by nature. She is also trying to take over my bed. I heard her discussing a plot to get me drunk so she can take advantage of me. I feel violated (and I only slightly like it). There is one other important thing in life that I gave her but I can't reveal what that is or her identity will be obvious. And I am fully expecting her to read this. And she better enjoy it. I posted it just for her. Not only it but I posted for her in general. And I am letting her live with me and eat with me and be in my life. And for what? Guess I do love her after all....
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5 comments:

  1. AshlexPrinceDecember 14, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    This is probably the best thing I have read all day. Even better than Immanuel Kant. HE IS PRETTY DAMN AMAZING TOO!

    Really insults are the best form of flattery. Mooch has a sense of purpose to it. ;)

    I'm sure this unidentifiable girl is planning on giving her services to you for your hospitality. Which you will enjoy immensely. It is a guarantee.

    This unidentifiable girl also doesn't take advantage of friends while they are drunk. That is beneath her. She manipulates them into believing they want it to. Completely different.

    I also believe this unidentifiable girl appreciates your confession of love for her. It seems to be even more meaningful when it is translated into words and posted on a blog. Makes her feel important. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. SamDecember 14, 2010 at 1:22 PM

    As much as I appreciate the offer of "services" and as flattered as I am, Aubry is the only one who can convert me to lesbianism. And even then she has to work pretty damn hard.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AshlexPrinceDecember 14, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    I never specified lesbian services. I was thinking more along the lines of being your confident, maybe doing some chores around the house or cooking a meal or two.

    Yes I realize this makes the unidentifiable girl your bitch, but hey, you are providing a roof over her head. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. SamDecember 14, 2010 at 2:28 PM

    Girl is already my bitch. And Bitch got put in her place and is now trying to redeem some dignity.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I Am GrootDecember 14, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    ... Are you... You are talking about Ashley, right? Cuz that's what I took outta this.

    ReplyDelete

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